Life is all about balance. That’s one of the little pearls of wisdom that a therapist managed to imprint on my stubborn brain once. And I try to live by that pearl. But it’s hard, especially when you live with diabetes.

It’s hard enough to balance work with life, fun with responsibility, motherhood with career, alone time with together time. But it’s even harder when you also have to balance food with insulin. And exercise with food. And stress with diet. And, and, and …

It’s like walking a tightrope. On your hands. Any little deviation from the expected, and you lose your balance, tip to one side, legs in the air, waving. If you’re lucky, you’re able to recover. You might over compensate and swing in the opposite direction, but eventually, you find your core again, and settle into that uneasy calm at your center. There is relief, because you’ve found your equilibrium again. And you’re starting to feel better. But there’s tension, too. Because you know that a stiff breeze (or a harder-than-normal workout, or a delayed meal) could (will) upset everything you’ve worked so hard to achieve. Leaving you flailing and reeling from side to side (from high to low) all over again.

And when you fall off the rope completely (because we all do), there is disappointment. Because you’ve worked so hard. Or because you haven’t.

Luckily, we have a safety net of sorts here in the DOC. The descent still takes our breath away, and the collision with the ground still hurts, but the community is here to pick us up, brush us off, and help us climb back onto the tightrope again.

I’ve been unbalanced lately. With all of the changes in my life over the course of the last year, my center of gravity has shifted. No longer sure which way I will sway when I make a choice, I am unsure which direction to go. After a year of carefully avoiding risk — testing, measuring, counting, and testing again — I’ve finally relaxed. And with that relaxation comes a bit of sloppiness. Wobbly food choices and uneven BGs. Increased A1Cs and higher averages.  Perhaps even more interesting, though, my interests are expanding, too. I have long had a passion for technical communication (my career), but I’ve also long had a passion for medicine, especially diabetes. Until I started this blog, though, I had little way to express that passion. Of course, I’ve also developed a surprising passion for motherhood. I always thought I was a “career girl” and I think I still am, but I am struggling to find a way to fit all of my many passions into my life. I guess you could say that I am at a fork in the tightrope. Is there a way to balance my many interests? If not, which way will I go? And how long will it be before I find my uneasy center again?

Explore posts in the same categories: Emotional Health, identity

2 Comments on “Balance”

  1. Annie Says:

    It’s so good to see you posting again, it’s interesting to hear your perspective after baby. Even if you’re not sure which way you’re going, we’re all glad to be along for the ride!

  2. Kaitake Says:

    I very much like your tightrope description – walking in your hands! 🙂

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