Time Flies …

I can’t believe it has been twelve weeks since Baby Lukas was born. I also can’t believe that it has been two months since I last posted here. Where has the time gone?

Lukas is doing great. He weighs over 12 pounds and fills out his 3 months clothes. He is starting to develop those cute rolls on his thighs, cheeks, and arms. The pediatrician says that he has grown both in length and weight just as he should. He holds his head up during tummy time, kicks his legs and flails his arms in his bouncy chair, and smiles, laughs and coos most of the time. We are so proud of him!

I am also doing well. Finally. Things were rough there for a while. At about four weeks postpartum, I started to fall apart. I felt like a zombie. I couldn’t sleep or eat. I was overwhelmed and weepy. I was still in a fair amount of pain from the c-section, too. On top of all of this, Lukas developed an all-day cry, which we later discovered was due to reflux and colic. So I made an appointment with my psychologist, who suggested that I try an antidepressant. Then I started taking Zoloft. And then I gave up breastfeeding.

Both were hard decisions to make, but I realized that something had to change. I needed to take care of myself so that I could take care of Lukas. My oversupply was making us both miserable, and between my insomnia and his need to nurse every three hours, I was not getting enough sleep. So even though it broke my heart to feed him that first bottle of formula, after the engorgement subsided, the milk dried up, and my mood began to improve, I realized that this was the best answer for us as a family. When I think about it too long, I’m still disappointed that I wasn’t strong enough to do this for him. But it was a decision that needed to be made so that I could start the journey back to a healthy place, both physically and mentally.

Things are falling into place, now. Lukas and I have established a semblance of a daytime routine, and we both look forward to tummy time and bath time. My maternity leave is quickly coming to an end, and I am so disappointed that I am going to have to leave him during the day. I never thought I would be “one of those moms,” but it’s happening. I wish I could stay home with him forever. I never imagined that days full of laundry, feeding, and changing could be so rewarding. And so fun. Hard, yes, but also rewarding. Who would’ve guessed?

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5 Comments on “Time Flies …”

  1. Sweets Says:

    So nice to hear from you again! I’m glad to hear that things are going better now. It is very understandable that you would be disappointed about the breastfeeding, but in the end you made a best decision for both of you. I could not breastfeed my boy in the end either, and at times would feel very guilty about it, but now that he is nearly a year I don’t believe it has had any negative influence on him (or us) at all.

    I also felt like that toward the end of my leave. And going back to work is hard. Hope you enjoy the last of your maternity leave.

    Where will Lukas be staying during the day?

    and by the way – he is gorgeous!

  2. Annie Says:

    So good to hear an update! He is just adorable! I’m glad things have settled down. I can only imagine how difficult it was to make the decisions you have had to make, but I think as long as they are right for you and your family as you said, then they were absolutely the right things to do. Lukas is loved, and that is really all that matters.

  3. Karen Says:

    A really tough decision to make but I’m sure it was the right one. You need to be healthy to look after Lukas. He’s absolutely adorable.

    I hope the return to work goes well.

  4. Erica Says:

    Thank you for the update. So great to hear you and baby are doing well.

    Thank you for being so brave and telling the truth about feeding Lukas formula. Doing what is best is not always easy, but you are a fabulous example for type 1 moms and moms to be.

  5. Erica Says:

    Silly me, I forgot to add that he is just T00 cute. I don’t know how you stand it 🙂


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